A newly converted rat has a birthday

[inthesaferoom]

Let's hope no ghosts or babies crash the party. Maybe babies I guess, as long as they stay on the insides.

Comments

[inthesaferoom]

We'll order several hundred pounds of chocolate. There's a town here that has fucking chocolate cheese and a million kinds of fudge. I'm taking you when I'm out.

[ Because he hasn't lost him, apparently? He fucked up so bad, worse than he ever did with anyone before, but he still hasn't lost him? It boggles the mind.

He takes a hand off Gavin's stomach so he can pull the mask up for a moment. Lean in and press a kiss against that stomach before giving into his body and laying back. He puts the mask back in place and works on catching his breath.

But it's impossible, because he's obsessing over his fears. What could possibly go wrong. How is he supposed to protect more people? From - well, ironically, that thing otherwise known as was his alternative self?

He tries to breathe. He can't. He's panicking. He'll just work on not making it obvious. He's bad at that though, too. ]

I'm so happy. This is amazing. But how am I keeping everyone alive?

[ratmanreed]

Oh, good. Chocolate cheese. Just what a growing baby needs.

[ Is it silly? Yes. Does it make him smile? Absolutely.

And that kiss against Gavin’s stomach? Pulling at all his little IVs just for that? Gavin is fucking doomed. Has been doomed this whole time. Maybe since the day they met.

Doomed for dipshit love. Even if they aren’t together someday. ]

How are we keeping everyone alive, you mean. And the first step is getting you better.

[ Shifting uncomfortably on his feet as he grips the rails of Mike’s bed, then: ]

I met... him.

[ It’d come out eventually. Not that now is a good time for this. There won’t ever be a good time, really. ]

[inthesaferoom]

What?

[ Sorry, the panic had been transient, because he's not in a state where he can sustain high adrenaline for long. He ended up thinking about the baby itself and it was a thought enough to comfort him, because could he really be so lucky?

Comfort plus everything happening with him equals almost falling asleep. But he hears something about a him. He tries to pay attention. ]

Met who?

[ He'll get it in a second. He just might need help getting there. ]

[ratmanreed]

Don’t worry about it.

[ He can tell Mike later. Or... never? Not that he expects Mike’s whatever-the-fuck to keep his mouth shut, but who knows? Guy seemed pretty adamant on doing what he thinks is best for Mike — which is not Gavin.

Gavin could have fucking told him that. Dipshits all around. ]

I didn’t know you were... didn’t know you wanted a kid.

[ Would it have been different if it were earlier in their relationship? Before they were throwing all these terms around, like “love” and “fiancé”?

It makes sense, though. That Gavin’s projecting all his earlier insecurities onto Mike now, because why wouldn’t he? ]

[inthesaferoom]

I didn't know either. But -

[ He's thinking about something. Slow, slugged, dumb - but he's getting there. He looks up at him, thinking about how to express it, but he's momentarily distracted by their separation. ]

Can I ask a couple things? If I even have the right anymore.

[ He doesn't know. He just doesn't. ]

[ratmanreed]

You can ask.

[ The tiniest of mercies, here. ]

Can’t promise you’ll like the answers, though.

[ Including a possible lack of answers.

His legs need a break, so he drags the chair closer again. Takes a seat. Mike’s bed isn’t exactly at a comfortable height, but he rests his arm and head against it anyway.

Not expecting easy questions here. Not expecting easy questions at all. ]

I totally chose this one because it's gunlike

[inthesaferoom]

Take this, okay?

[ He takes the remote of the pain pump and holds it out, he's basically shoving it at him the best he can. He wants it out of his control, okay? It's dangerous as hell. ]

I don't trust myself. Not with this shit. I'll have to figure out what to do later, I'm not going to make you stay here around the clock, I'm not that selfish, but -

Just control it. If I look like I need this shit.

[ He'll ask the other questions soon. This is critical, thanks. ]

omg ;;

[ratmanreed]

[ Gavin lifts his head. Squinting at Mike. Accepting the remote, sure, but — ]

Hell of a responsibility to shove my way. Not that I — I mean, how am I supposed to tell when you need it? It’s not like I can just say no if you ask. And you better not not ask, dumbass.

Gonna stay till they kick me out. Sucks to be you.

[ Gavin hasn’t thought about what he’ll do once he has to leave. Should probably put some consideration into that, otherwise Nines will herd him as he pleases. ]

Me going with the mishearing suggestion, also keywords are NOT applicable I'm wheezing

[inthesaferoom]

If you don't want me to ask, I won't.

[ Yeah, he definitely misheard what was said. He's out of it, okay? He's tired and he definitely needs some of that medicine right now. It's clear from how his eyes are barely focused.

He shifts a little in the bed, trying to get comfortable, then grabs the abandoned pillow and kind of leans against it the best he can. He's doing his best to obey how he heard it. He doesn't want to disrespect him again. ]

If you want to stay, I want you to. Fuck anyone who tries to make you leave.

Gavin not understanding Mike misheard him, because he is a rat man

[ratmanreed]

Of course you can fucking ask. You think I like seeing you suffer? You think that doesn’t hurt me too? You think this is fun for me? Jolly good fucking fun? ‘Cause I’m not laughing, Mike.

[ Gavin inches his hand up onto the bed. If Mike wants to touch him, or something — or maybe not? He starts pulling his hand away. Clenching at the blanket. ]

I’m not gonna fuck this up for you. Or me. Not gonna be a bitch if they tell me to fuck off, Mike. Because then what if they don’t let me come back to see you?

[inthesaferoom]

I don't think - I -

[ He clearly got something wrong, but what was it? He exhales and takes his hand, holding on tight. A sharp pain goes through the scar tissue at the pads where his removed fingers should be, but he ignores it. Holding on is worth it, thanks. ]

Definitely need it now. You'd probably get pissed if I asked you to get up here, right?

[ratmanreed]

[ Gavin presses the button on the remote without thinking. ]

Is it just… once? Is that enough?

[ Scowling a bit at Mike’s request, yeah. ]

Oh, no. Would totally be fine just getting on up there. Not like you have a dozen little bits I could fuck up. Remember earlier? Fucked up your wrist thing? Yeah, we are not doing that again. I am not going to fall asleep on you and wake up, and you’re gone because I fucked something up. If you want to die, you gotta do it the au naturel way.

[inthesaferoom]

It's not going to let you press more than once, I'm pretty fucking sure. When my mom had hers it was limited to like every few minutes.

[ He should have seen her by now. Why hasn't he seen her? In fact - why hasn't he seen anything? Even before he was all drugged up. From the start, he should have seen a million of those things, considering this place. He feels weirdly isolated. Alone?

No, not alone. Just confused and different. But Gavin is here, even if there's something now emotionally shoved between them. ]

Here's the thing, I need you to look me over a bit. Can you do that without getting in here?

[ratmanreed]

Well, I didn’t fucking know. Sorry. I don’t do hospitals unless —

[ …Unless someone makes him. ]

What d’you need me to look at that you don’t need a doctor for?

Me not getting in there depends on what you need looked at, yeah?

[ Despite the whining, Gavin pushes himself up off the bed. ]

[inthesaferoom]

Why are you apologizing? Nothing to be sorry about. It's good you haven't had to know.

[ He looks up at him. He's trying to remember what he was asking him to do, the boost of pain meds isn't going over his ability to be present real well. He blinks and it feels like he falls asleep, but he definitely isn't? You can't fall asleep for half a second, right?

But there was definitely something - ]

What all is fucking in me? I have to know.

There was something else, but let's establish this first.

[ He'll remember what it was in a second. Definitely. ]

[ratmanreed]

What all is in you? Gonna have to be more specific there. You think I’m a doctor, or what?

[ But sure. Okay. Gavin unties Mike’s gown, goes to pull it back, and... ]

Don’t know what I’m looking at. I mean, there’s... tubes? You’re not gonna freak out on me, are you?

[ Projection on Gavin’s part, maybe, considering the way his hands are shaking. ]

[inthesaferoom]

Going to freak out if I don't know anything. Information is better.

Especially because of the other shit I have to ask.

[ Because yeah, he suddenly remembers. Where is his mom's ghost? He'd really like her in whatever capacity he can get her right now, thanks. What the fuck?

He reaches for one of those shaking hands and holds it if he's allowed, then presses a kiss to the palm. ]

Hey. It'll be fine. I'm not going.

[ratmanreed]

Right. Yup. Fine. All fine.

[ The palm kiss helps with the shaking — or maybe now it’s that they’re together in this. Gavin sucking Mike right into his freakout. ]

Okay. Sure. Tubes in your... chest. Why are there tubes in your fucking chest, Mike? Why do they need tubes? I mean, you get stabbed, yeah, and they patch you up. They sew shit up or whatever so why do they fucking need —

[ He has to remember to shut the fuck up so he can breathe. Teeth pressed together as he sucks in a breath through his nose. ]

Where else? Where d’you need me to check?

[inthesaferoom]

That's probably to drain blood. Like, shit is going to bleed, right? And air, too.

I got stabbed in the heart, you know? Fucker wasn't kidding around. But I couldn't let him get you.

[ He'd rather suffer this much than see even an ounce of it go to Gavin. Except this was making the guy suffer, too? Kind of fucked both ways, damn. ]

Need you to look at my stomach. Because -

You had all those weird symptoms? Then I did too. If they were because you're knocked up, it begs a question, okay?

[ Sometimes he's smart. Sometimes, you know. ]

[ratmanreed]

Can protect myself. If you’d just fucking told me instead of —

[ Not in the mood to finish that sentence. Really not in the mood.

And sure, that guy is a concern. Might always be one. But for now? Gavin has it handled. ]

If you’re… if I — baby’s fine. If you’re — you know.

[ He says this even before he folds Mike’s blanket further down his hips. Pulling back the fabric of his gown to show his stomach.

Gavin just knows. Or… needs everything to be okay. ]

CW past SA threats

[inthesaferoom]

He kept talking about how he should rape you or something, okay? I wasn't letting him anywhere near you.

[ So here's the thing. That morning, he'd definitely not had anything noticeable to his stomach. Now? It's not that much but it's there, something like this.

It could be mistaken for eating too much but that's definitely not the case, considering the entire day? ]

[ratmanreed]

And if you had told me about him, we wouldn’t have had to worry about that, now would we? And who’s to say I didn’t fuck him, Mike? Who’s to say I didn’t let him fuck me, because I didn’t know?

[ He grimaces. Pulls his hand away. Focusing on Mike’s stomach now. ]

Not a doctor. But I…?

[ Touching Mike’s stomach: gently. Tracing the slope of him. No, definitely wasn’t there earlier, was it?

He goes to grab Mike’s hand again. Will help lead it down to touch his stomach bump — baby bump? — if he’ll let him.

Not that Gavin feels he deserves that, after how he pulled away. ]

[inthesaferoom]

You'd have known. He's willing to hurt you, I'm not. Even though I was an ass about this and ended up doing it anyway.

[ He definitely lets him, he's not thinking anything near the idea Gavin is undeserving. He touches the bump he's been led to.

His breath catches on an emotional hitch. Mike is feeling all sorts of ways about this, but the biggest concern is if whoever's in there is still alive. He goes to pull his hand away, but before he can, there's distinct movement.

The relief is so intense it makes him tear up and he covers up his eyes with his other hand. ]

[ratmanreed]

[ Gavin watches Mike’s face. Endeared, again, in his reaction. How human it is.

But it’s bittersweet, too. ]

I’m sorry I... did this to you.

[ No, this wasn’t intentional on Gavin’s part — actually giving him a baby — but it’s still resulted in scaring Mike. Made him have to worry that maybe something bad happened.

He’s leaning over the railing, hand still on Mike’s stomach, to kiss his bump. Smiling like an idiot against him. Smiling like a clown. God, he understands Mike’s reaction earlier. It’s different when it’s someone else. Different when it’s his...

Then the logic kicks in, swatting away his dipshittery, and Gavin realizes: might not even be his baby. Might not even be his.

And that wipes the smile right off his face, yeah. Makes him swallow thickly to keep from saying something fucked up, asking questions Mike doesn’t need to deal with right now.

If Gavin ever got the chance, though... he would love this baby, too. So for now? He’ll love them for whatever time they have. ]

[inthesaferoom]

I don't want you to be sorry. I'm happy about it, why would I want an apology?

Do you - is this not -

[ He can't keep on with that. The kiss is comforting, but it's not necessarily because Gavin is happy actually about this. It could be all ]

You're definitely the father if you're worried about that. I never really let him do that?

[ Exactly once, probably? ]