A cop has a birthday.

[mydriveisntfloppy]

Another rat? He probably escaped the quickening

Comments

The keywords aren't applicable I swear. Do you believe me

[mydriveisntfloppy]

Please: do not come to work today.

There is something else at hand. You would prefer to spend your time this way instead.

LMAOO

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

What is “this way””

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, CONNOR. What is AT HAND

[mydriveisntfloppy]

I cannot tell you my way. If you go to work there is a surprise party, courtesy of Tina. It has zero alcohol.

I did not think you would like that. Many people and no coping mechanics.

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

Oh. Well. Shit. Thanks for the heads up, Connor.

Gonna look like a real dick but . That’s what they get for planning weird shit I TOLD THEM I don’t want a damn party

Is Gav there? Or your robo buddy??

[mydriveisntfloppy]

Who is my 'robo buddy'?

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

That guy. Looks like you? Different number

Gav calls him Nines

[mydriveisntfloppy]

I am offended. I did not know that was possible.

He is not a friend.

keeping the typo also rip discord

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

Well shit. Sorry? Thought you were chummy or something

Is he a duck

DICK* is he a dick

I want you to know typing this right after taking a bite of food was a mistake

[mydriveisntfloppy]

He is obsessed with a human. Could never be me. I am normal about these things.

HE IS NORMAL!!!

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

Mmmm. So that’s why you hate him? Because he’s obsessed with Reed?

Is it the human obsession you can’t get, or the Gav obsession

[mydriveisntfloppy]

I could not care less about Gavin Reed. He was a minor obstacle to conquer.

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

A. What

Oh my god Connor what did you DO to Gavin?????

[dying_free]

[ There is a package at Hank's door. Definitely not one that came by the mail. It's a simple blue box with a red ribbon.

If he doesn't send it for bomb testing, he'll find a painting inside of him and his son during a happy time. Also this. A note is in there as well. ]

I hear we celebrate your birthday today. You must be thanked for your role in the revolution.

We will never forget.

Possibly your dog could use one of these?

[inthesaferoom]

[ Look, Mike doesn't care about this guy. He's the opposite of it, he has total confront energy about all the beef he has with him. But it would probably benefit to be his friend.

So he's going to - ugh - make nice. Here's a text. He definitely didn't get the number off of Gavin's phone without permission, what are you talking about? ]

hey bitch you sober or already drunk

I mean

Uhh happy birthday yeah

Yeah that's it

[ Nailed it. Didn't say who it was, though. ]

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

You some dumbass who lost their phone, or are you another type of dumbass. Like a dumbass I arrested at some point. You that kind of dumbass? ??

Sober. Unfortunately. Get me beer or something

[inthesaferoom]

I'm the dumbass marrying your ex. I probably owe you five beers for that.

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

You say that as if I know???? You think my ex wife tells me shit?

enjoy hell I guess. Congrats?

[inthesaferoom]

lol try again

I've seen pics, you can put your dick in that but not me

Waaaay better taste here

I read this wrong at first I thought Mike meant pics of Hank’s dick

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

Clearly you’ve got dogshit taste if you’re dating one of my exes

[ Can’t be someone from before his marriage, right? So it has to be Gavin. ]

You that freak who’s always hanging down at the station? Would’ve thought you were his stalker, not his husband. Soon to be. Whatever

Mike suddenly into real old people, older than Gavin is (and Hank's dick?)

[inthesaferoom]

shhh don't kinkshame

Where do I send the beers

Gavin like ah yes Mike you finally see the elderly light

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

Figured you’d have my address, seeing how Gavin lived here for like a month

Uh I mean not. Like that. Nothing happened it wasn’t like that. He just needed a place to crash

They take a cucking trip to a nursing home idk

[inthesaferoom]

I mean, I do, but I'm trying not to terrify you.

But if that's out of the question, you should know if you call being with him bad taste again I'll beat you half to death with one of those beers

Again: happy birthday

LMFAOOOO Gavin like NO!!! Unless 👀

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

That sounds like something Gav would say. He’s been rubbing off on you, huh

You gonna call me a dipshit next or what

All the resuscitation equipment being prepared in advance

[inthesaferoom]

Weird of you not to think I wasn't like this already

Sure.

Dipshit

Anyway I have a real good present for you but you have to agree to terms you ready

RESUSCITATION EQUIPMENT LMAO

[bootyshortsforoldmen]

Don’t you get all fucking glittery at me. But yeah. Sure . Give me your terms

[ Just playing along for now. ]