unhingedchaos | (no subject)

Is that what you believe has happened? Let me try this on you. Can you imagine it? Becoming something different at a camp. You can, I know it. You leave. You cannot talk to anyone who was there out of - shame? Thinking they cannot identity? Well. Your position is different. As you were literally dying, becoming this thing saved you. You are ashamed because you cannot feel bad about it. As you are alive. Yet. You hurt so many people. You killed what you now realize was a girl you barely knew? At the time? It was the love of your life. Funny when you had not spoken even two words to her before that cursed day... Ah, it seems you are fated to kill more. As you only spend time in the company of a friend after. You lose control, as you are wont to do, nobody else seems to be this way. Nobody else... One of those from camp? Ah, he cleans it up without question. Stays. You cannot say anything... you cannot make him go away... but you will always know that you have this person as you killed someone else? How would you be. About that. Would you leave. I cannot leave. So maybe? You cannot seperate yourself either? What have you done worse than this?

you might not say it’s worse. But it was my fault we all got stuck there, yeah? So. Wanting to spend time with Emma. Sure.

didn’t do it on purpose. Obviously I didn’t KNOW monsters were fuckin real. But look how we all ended up

at least Dylan’s happy. And Emma is whatever. Seems chipper. Alpha energy

Oh yes. I ended up alive, not choking to death on my own mucus and sweat as it filled my chest, making it impossible to not die. Did you know that those with the condition I had, their genetic code is wired so that they feel fear more than all others? The daath is not pleasant with that. As you cannot possibly become resigned. It is impossible to accept it. Your genetics say otherwise. You will die terribly and awfully and fighting every step of the way. Genetics say so... I am very unhappy with you if you had a hand in this. I am very sad I avoided that. I wish you would make it up to me NO? Actually? Every part of life? Has good and band? We adjust. We cope. There is good here. I am not dead at 17. If you are responsible for so much - You are responsible for that....

Edited 2025-12-15 05:34 (UTC)

Jesus nick

why didn’t you tell me??? Before.

no. I didn’t KNOW. Of course I didn’t know

How was I supposed to?

Chris Hackett knew. He gave me a place. I cannot think he was bad, with that.

Dylan knew. It drives his fear even now...

My parents knew. They hated me. I was flawed. I was not perfect.

How was I suppose to tell anyone... the fact that made me less than all of you? A failure, even to what I was born into?

you’re not less???. Because of that? Come on man

why is Dylan scared? WHAT is he scared of here exactly

I am less than what they willed me to be. Why they had me at all. There was no accident. There was no intent for a child to love. There was only efficient production to bring about the next generation to carry everything along. It is different - if you have the priveleges my family has. The role. There are different expectations. It comes with having such things at all... We do not know of what the infection is. Or if it will stop these things forever, or only for a time? Could Laura have lost her eye again? We simply do not know. Why had Laura regrown her eye? Why had Ryan not died of a knife? Why am I better? Yet Dylan has not salamandered a new hand. These things. We simply have no way.

Can’t say I understand. The whole privileges and expectations thing. Makes sense, sure. But not putting all this on your shoulders, and everything

Maybe a hand’s too much to fix like that?? Kind of a complicated thing there. All the fingers. Nerves and shit

An eye too but… I dunno. Is Dylan…. ? Does he feel? Bad ? Like there’s something different about him idk

It is not a thing to understand if it is not something you have bore on your shoulders. It is okay. I am glad you do not. He feels bad occasionally. He has the prosthesis, yes, but it is more about how much it hurts by the way that Ryan chose to do it. He was too short to have enough foresight, or perhaps simply cruel.

yeah well people are kinda supposed to sympathize, man. Part of what makes us human and all that. or....whatever the hell we are now

Ryan’s a real dick, huh. Or so I keep hearing. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to be an ass there, I guess.

But how else could he have done it?? Not familiar with the specifics of amputation, here. In the sense of “oh shit how do I amputate an arm so it’ll grow back” etc